If I could find a way
To fix all of the mistakes I’ve made
To redirect my life
To feel alive again
To pay off the debts I owe
To learn the things I want to know
To love me even more
I would.
If I could find a way, I’d be less of a zombie
If I could find the strength, I’d be more alive
If I could find a way, I’d be more me.
But I haven’t found a way
And I can’t figure it out
And I feel helpless, hopeless, and completely lost
And I’m not ready for life to suck so it can be better
I’m not ready to be stuck at home
Or without freedom
Because work already does that for 9 hours a day or more
And I need to escape
And I want to show him the world
And I want to see the world too.
I wish I could find the strength
I wish I could find my motivation
I wish I wasn’t so bad at life
I wish I wasn’t so self-destructive
I wish I wish I wish.
If I liked my job
I’d be okay not needing escape
And If I liked my work
I’d like my job
If I had accepted that job for less money
Would I be happier?
Would I be on a career path I’m proud of?
What if?
No one ever really knows.
