Date: June 23, 2018
Location: Eagle Mountain Park - Fort Worth, TX
Distance: 8.1 miles
Trails: River Trail
It's been a while since I've done a good, long hike. I did 8 miles, a few trails twice, and enjoyed every minute of it. It was under 80, low humidity, and very breezy. The sun was hiding, so I didn't feel too hot, and I didn't need sunglasses at first. My legs were jelly during the first mile, but after that I was good to go. This hike was a good start to my summer hikes, that I dread, and I'm looking forward to more early morning excursions. In the video, I said I was going to go the next day and I can report (it being the next day) that I didn't. Not out of laziness or related to anxiety, but simply due to temperature and humidity being SO HIGH and gross.
A note about feeling inferior on the trail... Just my own personal brand of crazy...
People don't have to make fun of you for you to feel inferior, mostly due to the years of believing you're not good enough. For me, it's because I endured years of bullying and being made fun of...I've always been chubby and not the most "masculine" guy. On the trail, people who look fit, who wear the tight clothes or no clothes, can just trigger some insecurities within my brain despite them not doing or saying anything to me at all. They could be the nicest person ever, but because of my insecurity and judgment from people who looked like them in the past, they're just the enemy. My insecure brain automatically assumes they're judging my body or not smiling because they're disgusted. I know, it's not right, or maybe it is, but it's where my brain goes and I'm working very had to not give a crap what people think and to feel better about myself. Trying to switch from the mindset that everyone is judging me to not giving a crap either way is the real challenge. Not worrying if your looks or actions fit in with everyone else is the key and also my biggest personal challenge.
Trying to balance exercise and diet should be easier, but it's not, and it's a struggle. My biggest enemy, other than myself, is the weather. I was lucky for this hike, with a nice breeze and below expected temps and humidity... but, most mornings are not so lucky. I'm going to continue to fight my insecurities, learn to care less, but also learn to care more about myself, and move forward. I hope you can find your strength if you're feeling insecure or offer support to those who need it out in the world.
Happy trails and if you want to join me, feel free to get in touch!